I just had an epic battle to the death with a giant wasp that I accidentally let into my apartment while I was on my porch picking some mint for an evening Mint Julep. His tactics were keen as he quickly exposed my greatest weakness… my fear of scary looking things 1,000 times smaller than me. Acknowledging this, I hastily retreated into the bathroom and barricaded the door.
However, I soon realized a bathroom fortification did not provide me the needed vantage point to monitor his advances. So with only a cloth t-shirt shield in hand, I countered by boldly creeping into the living room and opening my front door in hopes he would leave into the apartment hallway and be someone else’s problem, but he didn’t take the bait. Instead he continued to bide his time by flying around the glowing light bulbs, no doubt in an attempt to have me blinded with sunspots as I tracked his every move. Not to be tricked, I bravely darted across the room and grabbed my only weapon, a can of housefly spray. Not sure if it could kill him or just hasten his inevitable blitzkrieg he was planning against me, I decided to take action.
With The Ride of the Valkyries trumpeting in the background and my heart pounding through my chest, I unleashed a torrent of foaming hell on him. He dived into the kitchen, surely fixing to wield my own chef knife against me, but alas it was too late. His engine was sputtering and I believe I heard faint calls of “MAYDAY!” before he took his final swan dive into the dishwasher door.
Today victory is mine and I shall station his corpse on my porch as a warning to any other wasps that aspire to champion his cause.