I am a good cook. How do I know I am a good cook? Because, people often tell me I am. However, I live by myself so people don’t see 90% of the meals I make. Therefore, I typically don’t get adequately judged by my family and friends when I have… let’s say, ‘off nights’.
Tonight would probably qualify as such a night. I decided earlier this week that I wanted to make some pizza from scratch. Pizza is my favorite comfort food, but it is one of the few meals I don’t ever make from scratch.
Why you ask? Because, I hate baking.
Why do I hate baking? Because of nights like tonight.
I started this meal yesterday. I made some pizza dough from scratch and set it in a warm dry place to rise for 18 hours.
If I am going to make pizza from scratch, that certainly means the sauce too. So when I got home tonight I whipped some of that up.
Do you electrocute yourself when you make pizza sauce? I do. My stove isn’t properly grounded so when I bump the metal fridge handle next to my stove while I am stirring the sauce I get a friendly little sensation reminding me that the fridge and oven are fighting. That of course sends sauce flying all over the stove, which I suspect is what the fridge intended all along.
Anyways, back to the pizza.
Once the sauce and dough was ready I laid it all out on a nice bed of cornmeal. Though still raw, the pizza was looking good. I could already picture it baking up all bubbly and delicious with slight amounts of char forming on the edges.
However, as far as I have gathered, Bed Bath and Beyond has yet to stock a raw dough teleportation device that will instantly transport my dough from my workstation to my hot baking stone in one piece. Instead, I am stuck in the Stone Age having to rely on my own skills and abilities (which often does not work out in my favor) to move the nicely formed dough onto the hot stone to bake.
Therefore, this…
Ends up looking like, this…
The dough clung to its original pan like Joan Rivers clings to illusions of youth. I had to par-bake the crust on the baking sheet before I could even think about getting it to slide off. Once the crust got partially baked I still needed a brown paper bag, a spatula, and three knifes to separate the crust from the pan.
However, like any good horror movie, the damage was not done. After the pizza finished baking on the stone I found the two had become a conjoined twin, separated only with careful culinary surgery. The result gave life to a grotesquely deformed pizza baby, but one that I will love <to eat> unconditionally nonetheless.
Lauren
You are hysterical!!! Your humor is a lot like my own, this post had me laugh out loud a few times!! Just wanted to give you a shout out, let you know that I not only enjoy your recipes but I also enjoy reading what you write! All of your recipes are unique and look soooooo yummy, I want to try them all!! And, on top of good recipes, you're also a very good writer! You're funny and you're posts just suck the reader right in, and keeps us entertained from beginning to end. I'm so glad I accidentally stumbled across one of your recipes on Pinterest & wanted to make that recipe (English Muffin Breakfast Pizza) so badly that I followed the link to your website. I have since copied a bunch of your recipes so I can make them myself, and I have also signed up to receive emails from you. I'm excited to keep reading your existing recipes & posts, and to get all the new ones in my inbox! Thanks for the great recipes & posts!!!!! ?
Nate Nelson
You need one of these:
http://www.pamperedchef.biz/nknelson?page=products-detail&categoryId=122&itemId=2126&productId=33206
Kelly would love to do a show with you sometime and let you get free/cheap products as well.
Emmy
LMAO
Steven
Wow! what an experience! I never thought to add large chunks of onion to get the flavor but not the onion texture. looks great for a pizza sauce. When making pizzas from scratch, I usually end up putting a heavy coat of flour over everything (stone, counter, pizza board) and the dough still ends up sticking everywhere.
Nate Nelson
Corn Meal or even Oat meal does a really nice job of keeping doughs from sticking.